I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
