Are we in a gay sports bar?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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