sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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