Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
