3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize