Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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