i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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