at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
