I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
