The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize