For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Bring me that man meat
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
