She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
