I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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