first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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