After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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