The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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