tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize