I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
