I can tuck mytits in my pants
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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