We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
