Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
