Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
