I think I died a long time ago.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
