GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
