Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
