you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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