i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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