I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
