I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
