Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
