My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
