i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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