i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
