I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
