I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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