Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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