Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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