i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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