Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
