if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
