you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
