Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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