We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
His nipple licking is glorious
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