You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
