I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
