I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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