Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
