the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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