You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
