And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Randomize
