Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
