Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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