Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
