So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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