Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
