i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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