How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
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