Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
