..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
