i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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