I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
