A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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