too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
