Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
