I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
