nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
