It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
